Lifestyle Opinions

By: Alyssa Velasquez

Self-esteem and self-image can be a challenging subject to discuss. While some people carry their self-confidence well, others struggle to develop this characteristic.

I have struggled all my life to obtain self-confidence. Even though I have always been academically confident, I was never physically or socially confident in myself.

There was a point in my tween and teenage years when I didn’t even look in the mirror because I didn’t like what I saw. I didn’t find myself interesting to look at, and at a very young age, I had accepted that fact. I focused on “being funny” or sarcastic to obtain some type of personalilty to show the outside world. It was a form of protection, a barrier to show society as a young teenager that I was happy just being me, but in reality I wasn’t.

Junior high and high school a times when social interaction feels the most critical because that’s when you start going through changes mentally and physically. I didn’t feel pretty in my body and always felt the need to change the way I look.

What helps motivate a positive self-image?

I want to say in advance that these methods I am about to discuss took me YEARS to understand. It was trial and error. I would be good for a week and then lose progress the next. This is just what personally helped me to develop confidence over the years.

• Tuning everyone out & stop being a people pleaser

I realized no one really cares about what I look like or do because it SHOULDN’T matter. If someone is constantly paying attention to you, 9/10 times it’s because they are envious or have nothing good going on in their lives that they would rather pay attention to yours. Don’t feed into their energy. Treat them “like a fan” because that is how they are acting.

I feel most of us seek a lot of validation from people. This is hard to change. In fact, I still haven’t stopped doing this, but it is something that I have been mindful of. Do things to validate yourself, not others. Don’t feel bad or guilty for feeling a sense of success when you complete something! You have earned the right to praise yourself and move on to the next achievable goal you have!

• Focus & be nice to yourself

When I was 17, locked up in quarantine, I was bored and still struggling with my low self-esteem. So, I finally did something about it. Every day I ran 2 miles around my block, I exercised to help me stay in shape and feel better in my body. I tried eating healthier foods for my gut health. I felt great but still didn’t like my appearance. I started experimenting with clothing style, I started wearing make-up and researched a good skin care routine to help get rid of my acne. I took time to take care of my body and learned to appreciate it! It’s the only vessel you will get on this earth, learn to love it! Your body is fighting everyday for you to stay alive, be kind to your body and know that everyone is supposed to look different, it’s what makes us stand out from everyone else.

• Positive mindset & people

Every time I think of a negative comment or thought, I try my best to contradict that statement with a positive one. I try to look at the glass half full instead of empty. I tell myself positive affirmations to get myself through negative situations. I touch base more on this in my previous blog, “Healthy Mindset: Positive Affirmations”, which goes into depth as to why I started this ritual. Misery loves company and is hard to detach from, but it’s never impossible to overcome, you just have to have the willpower to understand good and bad correlate, but you chose how you see things.

This last one is my favorite and, in my opinion, the most important. Surround yourself in a positive environment! Be surrounded by people who push you to be better, to motivate you to achieve your goals, and genuinely be happy for you when you do succeed. Unfortunately, I have had to cut so many loved ones out of my life who brought me down to their level and wanted me to stay there. Envious people will trick you to not succeed, and it will test you and make you feel worthless, but this isn’t true. Surround yourself with people who support your hopes, dreams, and goals. If they don’t, let them go. It’s not easy, especially if your too empathetic like me and see the good in everyone, but it must be done if you want to move forward. We all need support from each other, but you need to find your “tribe” who will treat you like family, no matter who it is.

Conclusion

Low self-esteem is hard to live with when you have constant reminders in life that you feel you are not good enough. The truth is, you are; you just have to see it.

These tips have helped me build my confidence and have changed my perspective on myself. I am still learning something new about myself every day, and it’s exciting to know that I can pursue anything I want if I have enough confidence to get there, and it all starts with loving and believing in yourself (myself) first.